Documents in an Attempt to Save Her Life:

including:
The Diet That Nobody Does

Once, Penelope ate an entire mud cake. It was white chocolate, and melted smoothly in her mouth, covering her teeth with itchy sugar. (This was by the end of it.)
She felt sick for the rest of the day, and didn’t eat a thing, tucking herself into bed early in the hopes of sleeping it off.

I bought a cake today, but I didn’t eat it.
I stuck a pin in it, and left it on the kitchen counter, to stare back at me in wonder.

also including:
A Scrap of Paper With a Proverb On It

What they don’t tell you, at cooking school and in the military, is that you CAN have your cake and eat it too.
This is something you discover, on the night of your twenty eleventh birthday, walking knee deep in sand under a starless sky.
It is something, in other words, that comes unawares. The best realisations come this way, like a black cat, that slips sleekly through the darkness and into your house.

The Elements of Having One’s Cake and Eating It Too:
- Patience;
- Perseverance;
- Luck; and
- Audacity

The Elements should be combined in roughly equal quantities, and then blended thoroughly. In this way, slowly a certain amount of a potent elixir known as Good Fortune will distil.
Collect it gently, in a small glass vial.
Keep it in your soul box, and use generously. (One drop is good for an entire year of Eating One’s Own Cake and Other Business In The Same Vein.)